Dealing with Disappointment (Part 2)

(First read "Dealing with Disappointment" Part 1)

Delay or Suspend Judgment
Many disappointments are totally out of our control. They just happen. Someone doesn’t show up on time—or at all. The story or book that an editor was so excited about gets rejected after nine months. Our department at work is down-sized and our income shrinks along with it. A grown sibling or neighbor spreads nasty, untrue rumors about you. Whatever the disappointment is, don’t be too quick to judge the person’s conduct (or the apparent conduct of the person) who has disappointed you. Often what we see is not what is going on.

We usually don’t understand why this person is behaving in this manner. We seldom have all the facts of the situation. So choose to suspend judgment and criticism until a later time. When a disappointment occurs, always assume you don’t know all the facts or extenuating circumstances. 99% of the time, your assumption will be accurate. Delay any judging and criticizing or reacting till you know the facts—just put a lid on it for now.

Take Time to Think
Our initial reaction to a disappointing situation—what comes naturally to most of us—may not be the best response. In fact, if you don’t take time to think (or better yet, sleep on it and pray for God’s perspective and wisdom) your reaction can cause a whole string of further (and worse) regrets to deal with. We’ve all seen and participated in not-so-serious discussions that erupted into angry fights, multiplying the stressful event tenfold. Oftentimes, when the dust has settled and a calm discussion of the event takes place days later, misunderstandings are apparent on both sides. So don’t allow a disappointment—no matter its size—to escalate.

Be Verbal!
Unspoken expectations also come into play. Before you react negatively to a disappointment (“Why couldn’t he keep the kids out of my hair just one hour today so I could write?”), be sure that you actually verbalized your hopes or expectations. No one is a good mind reader. If you didn’t ask your husband to keep the kids out of your hair so you could write, you can’t assume that he knows they’re bothering you or that you have trouble writing with a million interruptions. He’s used to watching you cook, clean, garden and drive carpool while handling umpteen questions from little ones. He may not know, without being told, that your writing is different and needs peace and quiet. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment—and a ruined weekend—because you didn’t speak up and then got angry because he didn’t read your mind. (Return for Part 3 and more solutions next.)